


What Hurt The Most

by GabbysLost113



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Clexa, F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-29
Updated: 2019-04-04
Packaged: 2019-07-04 00:35:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15830145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GabbysLost113/pseuds/GabbysLost113
Summary: Ten years had come and gone. You thought that it was over you were sure it was. The way she left you is burned into your memory. You are finally happy now, you have found a way to be happy without her.Clarke shows up at Lexas doorstep ten years after breaking her heart, 14 years after her making her fall in love, and 4 years after Lexas daughter is born.





	1. Chapter 1

She remembers it as if it was yesterday, she knows she shouldn’t, she wished she couldn’t. But when the person you thought you would spend the rest of your life with leaves you broken on the ground it is kind of hard to forget. Especially when she is standing in front of you ten years later as if it never happened.

She blinks trying to make sure she isn’t seeing anything, but no she is still standing there and smiling blue eyes shining as bright as the day you met her on your 14th birthday.

“Clarke?”

Before you can say anything else she is pulling you into her arms and it’s as if no time has passed. Your hands find their home on her hips and you breathe in the smell that is her, and though it may have changed slightly in ten years it is still everything you have missed.

“Mommy?”

Your eyes snap open and you realize that it isn’t ten years ago, she isn’t yours. She doesn’t have your heart, she isn’t the most important person to you anymore, and you have a felt a new kind of love, one that cannot be compared to anything you have felt before. So you tighten your grip on her hips and take a step back releasing them as you see her look behind you and her eyes widen.

You take a deep breath and turn around to the little girl in footsie pajamas watching you with a question in her beautiful blue eyes, and not for the first time you wonder if you unconsciously chose a donor with blue eyes because of Clarke. You shake the thought out of your head as you bend down to pick her up.

“What are you doing out of bed Maddi?” You push her hair, long and brown, identical to your own out of her little face so she can see better.

“Who is that?”

You look back behind you to see Clarke staring at you both and you look back at Maddi and know you can’t do this again. You almost didn’t make it the last time Clarke Griffin walked out of your life. You refuse to go through it again, not when Maddi needs you, not when you finally found some semblance of happiness without her in your life anymore. So you say the only thing you can say in the moment.

“No one love, this woman just came to the wrong house.”

Maddi began squirming to get down and you scrunched your face up in confusion, but let her go wanting to see what she was going to do.

Her little feet ran to the door and looked up at Clarke, who looked back and forth between the two of you.

“Are you lost?”

Clarke looked at you and you nodded your head at her and she bent down so that her and Maddi were on the same level.

“I think so, I was…. Looking for someone, I found you and your mom instead I guess.”

“My mommy made me remember her phone number in case I ever got lost. Don’t you know your mommies phone number?” Maddi paused for a moment, “Or your daddies, some people have daddies.”

You instinctively flinch at that watching as darkness rises to Clarkes eyes, but within seconds its gone. “You are smart aren’t you?”

Maddi nodded enthusiastically. “I’m four but I can read and write a little.”

You know Maddi is a talker, funny considering you aren’t, so you knew it was best to cut her off now before she really got on a roll.

“Madeline.” She turned quickly to you her eyebrows scrunched, most likely annoyed for having been interrupted. You walked back towards the both of them. “Sorry she needs to go back to bed or she’s going to give me a hard time in the morning. “

Clarke nodded. “She looks just like you.”

You watch as Maddis face brightens at that a huge smile forming on her face showing off her dimples that you find to be the cutest things in the world.

“Yes, she does.” You look back at Clarke and grab the door. “Goodnight.”

“Bye!” You slightly shake your head at Maddi as you close the door not looking at Clarke again. Maddi takes your hand as you walk her back up the stairs.

 

 

*11 Years ago*

You were trying to ignore the stupid little paper balls being thrown at you. But this one hit you right on the nose. So you looked up to see Clarke watching you trying her hardest not to laugh. But when you continued to just stare she couldn’t hold it in any longer. And her laugh as always made you smile and you just shook your head.

“Lexa can we please go to my house now?”

You shook your head looking at the piles of papers in front of you. “Clarke I have to finish, there are deadlines!”

She shakes her head at you and grabs your bag shoving the pages in, you grab the papers, but she is currently sporting some serious puppy eyes so you shake your head and give up letting go allowing her to put them away.

“The deadline is still three months away babe.” She makes it sounds so far but you know it actually isn’t, that this year is going to be filled with so many changes. You guys are seniors now. Who knows where you will be in a years time, the only thing you were sure of was Clarke would be by your side, you think you knew the moment you met her that she was your forever. You wouldn’t tell her that though, she would just make fun of you.

As you both stand she pulls you close and presses a kiss to your cheek. “Plus it’s Saturday…. My mom is working right now and my dad is over at Jaha’s.” You feel your stomach flip at that, feeling the heat rise to your cheeks. She laughs entwining your fingers before pressing another kiss to your jaw.

“You are so easy Lex.”

You shrug, Clarke already knows how she makes you feel and you know that it is the same way for her, you aren’t ashamed of it in any way.

You pull away with a smile pulling her forward to begin the walk from the library to her house. “Let me show you how easy I can be.”

Her eyes widen and she stops in her tracks for a moment, before pulling you into a speed walk, you can’t help but laugh, because Clarke Griffin does not run, and this may be the fastest you have ever seen her move.

*Present*

You can’t sleep, you just toss and turn. Why did she just show up at your house after all this time? What did she want? The longer you thought about it the angrier you got. How did she even know where you lived? And then you realized there was only one person who would have told her.

You sat up in bed quickly reaching for your phone and turning a light on. Opening facetime you clicked on the name you were looking for.

She picked up after only two rings.

“Whats up woods? Maddi need Aunty Rae to tell her a story for bed?”

“No, mommy wants Aunty Rae to explain why Clarke Griffin decided to show up at my house today?”

Raven froze, with her mouth in that O shape.

“No way.”

“Yes way Raven! You are the only person who I speak to anymore that talks to her. Why would you send her here?”

Raven rubbed her hands over her face and she looked exhausted. You felt bad asking Raven to  not talk to you about Clarke anymore or her to not tell Clarke things about you and your life, but you needed it, needed that separation in order for your friendship with her to make it out of the hell you found yourself in all those years ago.

“Lexa…. She has been asking about you non-stop for the last two years. I never told her anything  I swear but she wouldn’t give up. A few weeks ago I told her if she wanted to know about you she would need to ask you yourself. I told her you lived an hour away and where but I swear I didn’t think she would actually listen. I mean the woman doesn’t even know Maddi exists.”

“She does now.”

Ravens eyes widen. “She met Maddi?”

You nod.

“What did she say? What did Maddi say? What did you say?!” You tell her and you can’t help but glare when she laughs. “You are seriously still the worst liar I have ever met.”

Before she can say anything else you interrupt. “I hate you,” and you hang up the phone.

Not a minute passes before your phone rings with a message.

Raven: I really am sorry, but don’t you think it’s time?

You never thought this would happen, that the time would come because ten years ago you were sure that it would be the last time you would ever see Clarke Griffin.


	2. Chapter 2

“Madeline Woods!” 

You watch as she quickly turns around and scurries back to you.

“Sorry mommy.”

You sigh and bend down pressing a kiss to her cheek in comfort. 

“You know I just don’t want you getting lost love.”

She nods at you and reaches for your hand and you take it loving the way her tiny hand feels in yours. 

“I know, I’m too cute someone will take me. Until they realize how much I eat and the they will give me back right?” 

You can’t help but laugh. You swear you only told her that once but it’s something she has never forgotten. She is watching you seriously waiting for an answer so you nod in response and satisfied she pulls you towards the candy section.

You swear you don’t know where she got her sweet tooth from. Vegetables were a struggle every night, if she didn’t look like you, you would question if she was even your kid. 

You watch as she grabs bag after bag of candy, you don’t say anything as she puts them in the shopping cart. 

You wonder at what age she will realize the amount of candy she puts in the cart never ends up being the amount you take home due to you taking them out one at a time when she isn’t looking. 

“Aunty Rae!”

Your eyes widen as you hear Maddie yell and watch her run ahead of you and into Ravens arms, Raven almost loses her balance but catches it and Maddie quickly. Apart of you wants to tell Maddie to be careful because of Ravens leg but you know better.

Once Raven and Maddie are done saying hello to each other you walk up to her raising an eyebrow in question.

“Raven what are you doing here?”

She gives you a toothy grin. “Oh you know just in the neighborhood.”

You shake your head and are ready to grill her when she quickly pulls you into a hug.

“Missed the Woods girls, what can I say?”

“How did you know where we were?”

You pull away to look at her face quick enough to see the look of guilt cross her face. “What did you do Raven?”

She gives you a lopsided grin. “You know how apple lets you share your location with people?”

You nod your head, “But I didn’t share mine with you.”

She puts an arm around your shoulder and you shrug it off and take a step back crossing your arms and glaring at her. You see her look at you and then down to the right before her face changes to one of amusement. You look down and see Maddi trying to copy you and glare at Raven, you can’t help but smile either. Maddi is so your daughter sometimes.

You shake your head and step in front of Maddi returning to your glare and focusing back on Raven. You raise an eyebrow in question letting her know you are still waiting for an answer.

She smiles at you, “I might have hacked your phone and done it myself…..” 

“Raven Reyes, I’m going to kill you, why would you do that?”

“You really have to ask why?”

You don’t understand what she means and it must show, Raven sighs at you dramatically and looks down.

“You disappeared Lexa, you run and you push people away, we didn’t speak for almost a year after”...... she looks down at Maddi who isn’t even trying to pretend to not be listening, “you know what happened with you know who. How did I know you weren’t going to disappear again. You don’t realize what that did to me? You were my best friend and then you were just gone” 

Raven stands up straighter and takes a step closer to you, now standing toe to toe with each other, “ now theres someone else to think about,” Raven looks down to Maddi to prove her point, “If you think you can just take her and run away again and I won’t go through hell and back to find you guys then you are wrong, you guys are my family Lexa, I will not let you make me go through losing another family.” At those words Ravens eyes begin to water and you feel your resolve crack.

You put your arms around her and hold on tight. “I’m not going anywhere Ray. You could have just asked me, you know?”

Raven just shrugs her shoulders and then pulls away wiping her eyes quickly. She grabs Maddi and picks her up giving her a bunch of kisses to her cheek, Maddi giggles and pulls away studying Ravens face before saying “ I wont leave you Auntie Ray, I love you and you give me candy when Mommy isn’t looking.”

You and Raven both can’t help but laugh, and you know Raven is right, this in its own weird way is your small little family.

Raven and you are laying out on the couch after putting Maddi down for bed, when Raven finally gets the courage to speak to you about what you know is the real reason she came.

“So….. Clarke?”

You tilt your head and then bury your cold toes under her calves which you know she hates but will let you do because she is trying to get you to open up.

“What about her?”

“How was it seeing her again?”

You think back to the moment you opened the door to see Clarke standing there. “It felt like no time had passed, its like I was reliving everything over again the last moments and…. It felt like a dream, She hugged me and before my mind could think I was hugging her back. But then Maddi came and it was like a cold bucket of water was thrown at me and I woke up.”

Raven nodded studying you for a moment.

“She wants to see you again.” You felt a little flame in your chest of anger and knew that it would only grow if you continued with this conversation but you couldn’t stop it if you tried.

“Why? Why now? Why Raven? She left me, she left me and thinks she can come back like nothing happened! I’m not the same person I was when we were kids Raven.” You feel yourself starting to breathe harder until its like your lungs aren’t getting any air at all, but you still force words out. “What does she want from m-e?” You hate that your voice cracks, you hate that she still has the power to make you feel this way, you hate her, and you wonder what it felt like when you didn’t live with so much hate inside of you but it’s been so long now you can’t even remember.

*13 Years ago*

“Lexa.”

“No.”

“Come on Lexa please.”

“Clarkeeeee, it gets in my hair and takes forever to get out!”

“I swear I will wash your hair myself.”

You can’t help but pout as Clarke pulls you to the tarp on the floor and grabs at the bottom of your shirt. “Why can’t you just paint on the canvas we just bought?”

“Not as good as you.”

You shake your head and help her take off your shirt. She reaches for your bra and you are quick to cover yourself once its removed. She rolls her eyes but doesn’t say anything. She’s been your best friend from the day you met almost two years ago, but you still haven’t told her the truth about you. You thought she would notice since you never spoke about boys the way she did, but she seemed to think you were just overly shy. More like the thought of a guy let alone any of the ones you knew, (you picture Jasper in your head and have to mentally tell yourself not to barf), makes your stomach sick and not in the good way.

You lay on your stomach and close your eyes waiting to feel the sensation you are still not used to even though this is your 5th time being Clarkes personal human canvas. Once she begins you try and steady your breathing as much as you can, but shes really close to you and you aren’t wearing a damn shirt. 

You sigh in frustration almost an hour later ready to start complaining when you hear Clarkes whispered “Fuck.” And you already know what that means.

“Not my hair!”

Clarke doesn’t even try and hold in her laugh and you love her even more for it.

*Present*

Ravens arms are wrapped around you and you aren’t sure when exactly that happened. She holds you until your breathing is back to normal. You pull away and stand up beginning to pace in front of the couch.

“I can’t be like this, Maddi needs me to be strong for her and Clarke she makes me this way, she makes me weak.”  
“You aren’t weak Lex, you have always been the strongest person I have ever met, whether you were with Clarke or not that has never changed and it never will. Maybe you need this maybe you need to see her to let this out, youv’e been holding onto so much anger for so long Lexa, that can’t be good for you or Maddi, and Maddi hasn’t noticed it yet but someday she will unless you do something about it now.”

You stop and stare at Raven trying to absorb everything she just said knowing she is right. “You still haven’t answered my question Raven. What does she want?”

Raven shakes her head and you want to scream but you don’t from fear of waking up Maddi.

“You have to ask her.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't think I would write anymore but I guess I found some inspiration. Hope you enjoyed.


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